Highly Annoyed.

Today was my 19/20wk ultrasound. No, I'm not annoyed about seeing my Monster. That was the highlight of my day, actually. Everything is measuring fine and dandy. However, the tech found a small dilation in the renal area (kidney area). it was 4.6mm, so since that's on the "high side" I have to go in for a follow up u/s to make sure it's resolved itself, or gotten worse :(. Scary? Yes. Please spare me the "Oh, that's common.. blah blah blah." Don't dismiss my feelings about being upset scared about this, common or not. It probably didn't help that the DR made comments in reference to Downs, so yeah.. I'm on pins and needles.

My DR's appoint....

Let me say this: I REALLY adore my DR. I have from day 1. Today, however, I was not a fan.

I asked him if there was a way we could "tentatively" set a date for the c-section (c/s). I told him that I understand that I have a high risk of going into preterm labor, but, it would be nice for my mind and planning if we could set a date, so that I just know. He looked at me with the deer in the headlights look, and was like "Why are you talking about c/s?" My heart sank. Did he not remember the conversation that we had back in Feb? When I ASKED HIM for information about a vag-birth, and HE said "you need to make it to 36wks.. when/if that happens I'll schedule your c/s for wk 39. The way he asked me the "Why..." really struck a nerve with me. I felt like I was talking to a pissed off teacher/professor reminding them that they ALLOWED me an extension on a paper or assignment. A dear friend of mine said it best!:

He initially gave you some "problematic" news that you would have to have a C-section. You went through the mental-emotional process to adjust to the concept and be prepared for it. Now he yanked the rug out from under you, that he himself put there, while acting like you're in the wrong. It's perfectly reasonable that you're annoyed/upset.

That is it. Once he made that comment about me having a c/s at 39wks, guess what I did? I started stocking up on information about the entire procedure. I bugged all my friends who had one. I read articles--which is DAMN hard because it feels like the vag-birth nazis want to make sure that every female is terrified of a c/s--so the articles tend to be one sided.

I'm done. I'm really pissed off at this entire pregnancy. I've encountered hell from week 7 on. Between not wanting to Breast feed (BF), to the way I want to birth, to--WHATEVER! It's been a ducking up hill battle! And WHY?! Why does it bother/affect/whatever someone else HOW I want to birth/parent? WHY? WHY? WHY? Why can't WOMEN just be supportive of other women in their choices they make--NO matter if they agree with them or not. Obviously, there are some (moral) exceptions to that thought process, but you get my drift.


Women are more detrimental to women then man can ever be.

Oh, I would like to add that I do not appreciate Dave getting asked these questions, and getting "jumped" or "pumped" with information about why BFing or whatever is better. I do not appreciate HIM coming home and asking me questions.... So, I'm getting "questioned" from damn near every angle.